Hark! Dost thouest see proof of Global Warming? Methinks our mighty Genesee River is frothing over with warmth in late January like a heated gazelle dashing through a soft April rain.

   Ok, enough of that. What the hark is going on here, though? Last year the Genesee River, as seen from our lofty, pious perch on the 8th floor of the First Federal Building, froze over completely!

   As you can see from today’s picture (January 21) on the left side of the page—the Genesee is melting! Melting like the frost on a can of Genny Cream Ale that some dullard took out of an ice chest and left on the hood of Dodge Dart on a summer afternoon. We here at WARM 101.3 FM are convinced, CONVINCED, we tells ya that this is proof Mother Earth has a fever. The polar ice caps are melting so fast that soon Simon Cowell’s white T-shirt will soak completely only to reveal his so-so physique with more detail than we are used to.

    Stay tuned.

    In other lackluster items:

    There are several ways women can cut a man down to size (assuming he deserves it, ladies. Please don’t use these evil tricks on an unsuspected “nice” guy who treats women with respect and gets up for work at 2:30 am every morning and simply tries to be the best newscaster he can be. Oh, crap–I gave myself away! Quick! Look up at the picture of the river…NOW! Phew…that was a close one.)

    Where was I…oh, yeah! Ways to cut down guys. Here they are: #6 Treat him like his poor, #5 compare him to his father, #4 Compare him to a musician (”nice guy guitar licks, Kurt Cobain”), #3 Compare him to an athlete (”nice tee shot, Tiger” actually, that one might backfire), #2 Insult his job, #1 Point out his gut.

    A Holiday Inn in merry old England is offering “free bed warming” services. Basically, it works like this: You call down to the front desk and say, “See here, bloke, I’d like my bed warmed up like a nicely pressed pair of Winston Churchill’s pants!” And the guy at the desk then says, “Cheerio! I’ll send up a guy in a bloody warm up suit!” Then presto/change-O and faster than you can say Susan Boyle, a weirdo lies down in your bed and warms it up for you. And the cost?

   “There’s no charge for awesome-ness!”, answers the creep in the leopard Snuggie.

   Which reminds me, that should be the new motto from all of us at the Amazing “Wake up with Tony” morning show. For Tony Infantino, Kristie Credit and Pat McGonigle, “There’s no charge for awesome-ness! You’re welcome!”

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 1:53 pm and is filed under Wake Up With Tony. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.