There’s a website that can predict if your marriage will make it!! You just click on this link and answer 20 questions and presto-chango, you have your answer!!

Before you run to the bank with the results this “Divorce Probability Calculator” spits out, know this: It’s being offered by a company selling “divorce insurance”!!

Also, Tony Robbins’ new show has been cut to ribbons! His program based on the power of positive thinking didn’t pull enough eyeballs. Meantime, Snooki is more popular than ever after getting arrested for being drunk and disorderly.  You could draw many conclusions from these two facts. Here’s how a noted expert on popular culture sums it up:

“Clearly we are seeing something experts refer to as the ‘Tony Infantino-cation’ of America,” noted Dr. Casey Stengelmenshemstien at the University of California Berkeley. “A collective syndrome when the public favors a malcontent who thumbs her nose at authority and scoffs at sacred institutions.”

Dr. Stengelmenshemstien is the author of, “Escape from Glock Island”, an adventure fantasy about a psychotherapist who goes on a violent rampage on Block Island.

In summary dear reader, the popular WARM 101.3 blog will begin to take some daring chances in the coming days. For instance, on some days, the blog will seemingly just end without even a—

Jeggings are showing up everywhere…what do you think of them? 

There’s a new way to monitor your kid’s cell phone, find out more, click here.

Hold it right there!

I know what you’re thinking:

“Oh great, some more 315 jokes, real mature, guys. Why don’t you pick on a county your own size!”

Take heart! We have not come to bury 315—but to praise it!

And with good reason! Today we discussed an amazing little nugget of information that is so exciting, and so rarely mentioned, it’s like bumping your head on a low hanging stalactite* in a dimly lit cave.

Here it is:

British hero and famous orator Winston Churchill is from Palmyra. Sort of.

His maternal grandfather was born and raised there.

BAM! There you have it! Churchill was half-American and proud of it!

So the next time you hear someone poking fun of the 3-1-5….go to Google and type in “Churchill” and “Famous quotes”…and say that.

Adios amigos!**

*A stalagmite is a type of speleothem that rises from the floor of a limestone cave due to the dripping of mineralized solutions and the deposition of calcium carbonate. The corresponding formation on the ceiling of a cave is known as a stalactite. If these formations grow together, the result is known as a column.

**Pat McGonigle will be on vacation until Tuesday, August 10. His next door neighbor is a brawny cop, so don’t try anything funny.

We talked to The Getaway Guy, Mike O’Brien, ths morning about daytrips you can take with the family and other great local destinations.  For more information on the book click here and for more information on current getaways click here.

Today we tackled a confounding question that’s bedeviled intellectuals since the invention of the deviled egg: Is Tony Infantino more like Ant Man or Tony Robbins?

Let’s review the evidence:

Who is Ant Man and what does he do? Ant Man, it is believed, can shrink down to ant size while retaining his human strength. In some versions of the Ant Man legend, his helmet can marshal the forces of nearby ants.

On the scale of Superheroes, it can be fairly said, Ant Man is something of a Lame-O.

All of that being said, let’s be fair to Ant Man. Is  he The Incredible Hulk? No. Is he more exciting than the satellite TV repair guy who tracks mud all over your house? Yes.

But the critical question–Is Ant Man similar to Tony Infantino? The answer is, as ants like to say when asked if they would like to be stomped, “no”.

That leaves us with only one other possibility.

That our beloved Tony Infantino is more like life coach extraordinaire Tony Robbins. Let us review the evidence:

Tony Robbins has the first name “Tony”.

Tony Infantino also answers to “Tony”.

Tony Robbins is taller than most people.

Tony Infantino is above-average height (6′1″).

Tony Robbins inspires millions daily with a soul affirming message on the power of positive thinking.

Tony Infantino is above-average height (6′1″).

Today Chuck Kelly covered for a vacationing Tony Infantino on the steam-powered WARM 101.3 “Wake up with Tony” program.

And. It. Was. Magical.

How? Why? To which extent?

Where do we begin? How about this:

There is a plan to wipe out about 175,000 Canada geese in New York state. The geese were blamed for bringing down the famous “Miracle on the Hudson” plan with Captain Sully. They are also seen as a widespread nuisance, leaving their droppings on golf courses, public parks and clinical social workers.

Many say this is a Draconian plan. While others say that sentiment is unfair to Draco*.

Also, Pat discussed the magic of eating bear sausage. Pat took his brood to the historic Ganondagan Native American Dance and Music Festival over the weekend. Pat and his brood feasted on sweet bear sausage. Pat’s 7-year-old summed it up best, “Not bad. I think I’d rather have roasted Canada Goose!”

*The term Draconian refers to any severe punishment, it is ascribed to Greek scribe Draco who fashioned brutal retribution for all offenses. In later years, Draco joined “Sha Na Na” and was kicked out of the band after insisting Bowser’s feet be cut off for giggling during band meetings.

There are Fridays and then there are FRIDAYS!! Today was a FRIDAY!

We were treated to amazing massages from the angels at Massage Envy in Pittsford (that’s Terri Labell and Regan Mycek).

They are amazing.

We also feasted on delicious chocolate treats from the brilliant bakers at Dove Chocolate Discoveries. Check out their website right here or call Helen and Patrick Sabatini at (585) 755-0359.

Tony, Kristie and Pat say they will have a hard time catching a break at home any time soon after being treated like the crowned heads of Europe* at work this glorious Friday.

Finally, we ask you to look forward to Saturday, August 7. Performing at The Comedy Club in Webster: Brian Dunkleman!! You remember Brian, right? He was Ryan Seacrest’s co-host on the first season of American Idol. Dunkleman later moved on to other things…like performing in Webster…in August.

We kid because we love!

Have a fantastic weekend!

*A reference to Mr. Marvel in “The Wizard of Oz”, the traveling charlatan who Dorothy meets in the beginning of the movie and later becomes “The Wizard”. His wagon boasts that he knows the “crowned heads of Europe”.

Look at Tony, now look at your man. Now look at Tony again. Sadly, your man is not Tony. But he could FEEL like Tony every day of the week!

How? You mutter to yourself while hoping no one notices you’re looking at a badly photoshopped picture of Tony Infantino’s face on the Old Spice Guy’s body.

Here’s how:

Follow these simple steps  from the award-winning new book, “How I learned to start acting like Tony Infantino and stopped worrying about looking like a dork.”

It’s EASY:

1. Develop an unnatural fear of elevators

2. Take long, aimless rides in the country in small, shiny green cars.

3. Develop an unnatural fear of bees.

4. Take long, aimless boat rides on Conesus Lake.

5. Finally, the last step, it sort of refutes both #1 and #3 but JUST DO IT: Step onto a busted elevator with a clumsy beekeeper.

Welcome back (Tony),
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old WARM place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed (Pat & Kristie) since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they’re turned around.

Who’d have thought they’d lead ya (Who’d have thought they’d lead ya)
Here where WARM needs ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we’ve hot him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back (Tony).

What’s a good blog entry?

Sometimes it’s a long, well-reasoned argument or opinion of some kind.

Other times, it’s a wacky spoof on something Tony, Kristie and Pat may or may not have done.

While still others—a funny picture is all it takes. Today is one of those days.

At the left side of this page you see our trusted newsman Pat McGonigle. Pat spent his Sunday with the fantastic folks from the Mary Cariola Children’s Center. Sunday was the 4th annual “Hogs and Roses” ride to benefit Mary Cariola. About 200 bikers took their hogs on an 86 mile course while donating money to Mary Cariola. Pat served as the MC for the raffle prize portion of the day. But the real highlight for Pat was getting to meet “Tippy”, the hardcore motorcycle riding chihuaha. Truth be told, Pat and “Tippy” weren’t exactly “fast friends”, so to speak, although “Tippy” did promise to sent Pat a Facebook friend request.