Cynical Mother

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Cynical Mother I am the mother of three pleasant surprises.  At times, my children make me proud.  Sometimes they make me laugh and when I look at what each pregnancy did to my body I cry.    I buy baked goods at the store and call them my own.  My kids eat fast food.  I don’t make crafts unless it’s spelled with a K and you count macaroni and cheese.   I don’t speak in the third person or whisper softly when disciplining my children.  Sure, mom makes mistakes, but when all is said and done my children will be perfect. If not I will love them anyway.  Then, drown my sorrows with a good margarita and reality TV.  Now, take a cyber stroll through my site.   Enjoy my blog and share with your friends! Deanna King worked as a reporter in Rochester TV news for a decade before launching her website.  You can hear her every Wednesday when you Wake Up with Tony on Warm 101.3.

Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

I love the first snowfall of the year. Local TV stations bust out the annual cold weather stories.   Will the county have enough rock salt to clear the roads? Are the plows gassed up? Shoveling is difficult. Kids like to go sledding. I always dreaded that assignment as a reporter.  It is riveting television.

We had our first blast of winter this week.  My children were giddy when they looked out the window and saw a blanket of snow.

12-4-13

After spending what seemed like an eternity helping them put on cold weather gear we had a snowball fight, made snow angels and attempted to make a snowman.   The fun ended when my 6-year-old decided to bury his face in the snow. “It burns.  It burns.”

I giggled, comforted him and brought everyone inside; in that order.

To read more, go to CynicalMother.com

 

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

My daughter’s birthday party was a success.

10-30-13It wasn’t an elaborate soirée.  In fact, I planned most of it the night before.  I refuse to be bullied by Pinterest.   My daughter’s favorite gift came from the one guest with no children of her own.  My BFF Nikki Rudd gave my 4-year-old a bag of princess make up.  The little girls at the party squealed with excitement.  She has been obsessed with it.  Nikki created a monster.

 

Read more: CynicalMother.com

Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

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Maple Syrup on PancakesMy 13-year-old devoured his breakfast, carried his plate to the sink and said, “You’re welcome.” I looked around to see who he was talking to. I was the only person left sitting in the room. I was the one who just made him pancakes. Why was he passive aggressively demanding a thank-you from me? “I put my plate in the sink for you,” he said. Pour Moi? Oh honey, you didn’t put that plate in the sink for me. You did it because it was your dirty plate. Does my name tag say Benson? After a brief lecture he washed that plate.
This encounter inspired me to write an open letter to mothers worldwide.  Read it here:  CynicalMother.com

 

Wednesday, September 25th, 2013

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If you could chose one word to describe yourself what would it be? Apparently, the word to describe me is

servant
serv·ant
?s?rv?nt/
noun

9-25-13Definition: 1. a person who performs duties for others, esp. a person employed in a house on domestic duties or as a personal attendant. synonyms: attendant, retainer;  a person employed in the service of a government. a devoted and helpful follower or supporter. “a tireless servant of God”

synonyms: helper, supporter, follower More

That is how my 6-year-old would describe me.  He came up with this lovely title for me at the dinner table.  We were eating, well, they were eating.   I don’t ever get to eat an entire meal with my family because the moment I sit down someone wants something else.  I have forgotten what hot food even tastes like. <em> “Can I have more juice.” “I need another napkin.”  </em> It never ends.

 

Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

There’s Not an App for that…

Despicable Me 7-31-13

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My 6-year-old son is on the leader board in Despicable Me: Minion Rush. His victory only cost me $185. He was hanging out at grandma’s house playing with his IPod while I got my hair “did.” The App itself is free, but the tokens needed to advance to higher levels are NOT. I believe a guy who lives in his mom’s basement has the highest score. Who else would waste money on this nonsense on purpose?  To read more click here

 

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013 

Free School Supplies

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I bring a three ring binder with me when I go shopping. My teenage son is embarrassed and prefers to wait in the car. My daughter reminds me, “Don’t forget your coupons Mommy.” Well, you can laugh all you want Mama saved 50 cents yesterday. Boo-yah!

I actually get a lot of free stuff, too. For example, I just picked up some free school supplies. I know it’s not even August yet, but free is free. I dread the end of summer. It’s a lot of work getting three kids to and from school. That and my 13-year-old’s homework is getting difficult…. for me.

Justin BieberWho the hell cares how long it takes for Justin to make snowballs? It’s not my problem. He should just go inside and play video games with my kids.

I actually enjoy having my children home. Well, unless you drive into the garage and your 6-year-old witnesses it. I backed into the garage door on Monday. My son panicked, “Oh no! Did you break it?” I tried to play it off. “Nah, it’s fine.” In reality the door was knocked off the rail. The bottom panel caved in. I didn’t want to listen to my husband complain. He accuses me of being a bad driver all the time. Meanwhile, he totaled our last car.

I figured my husband wouldn’t notice the garage and I would have it fixed. My son wouldn’t tattle on his own mother, right? Wrong. The minute he saw his Dad he blurted out, “Guess what Mom did?” Seriously? I carried you for nine months in my womb and you turn on me?

Anyway, I would coupon even if I were rich. I’m kidding. I would throw money away. Until then, I am hunting for deals. Here is one I am taking advantage of and you should to. (Courtesy: Krazycouponlady.com)

 

Wednesday, July 17th, 2013

Real problem

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Just when you are starting to feel good about yourself a child will crush your self esteem. My 3-year-old daughter recently asked me, “Can I tell you something?” Usually what follows is I have to pee. or I want juice. So, I let my guard down. “Sure sweetie, what is it?” She smacked her lips together and after a dramatic pause said, “Well, your breath stinks and it’s a real problem.” Really? “That’s the truth,” she said, threw up her hands and walked away. It’s not like I suffer from halitosis. I enjoyed a cup of coffee. Now I have to pop mints to impress a toddler?

My daughter also mocks my bathing suit. “You can’t wear that in the water. That is a skirt.” No, it is my bathing suit. “A skirt,” she insists. Bathing suit. “Nope, a skirt.” We go back and forth until I realize I am arguing with a 3-year-old. I can’t win this battle. Quite frankly, it is her fault I have to wear a skirt. I rocked a bikini before I gave birth. Today I, once again, donned a skirt at the beach. My thighs still touch, but I no longer get a brush burn. (I would say this exercise thing is paying off.) I don’t think people were looking at me anyway. The real show was on a blanket nearby where a woman was shaving her boyfriend’s back. I am not kidding. Who just happens to have a razor in their beach bag? I have snacks, towels, sand toys and a Gillette Fusion Pro Glide. She obviously planned to do some manscaping AT THE BEACH. Think about that the next time you let the sand run through your toes. Now, that is a real problem.

 

Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

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I was in the kitchen this morning when I heard what sounded like techno music blaring upstairs. Were my kids hosting a rave? I crept upstairs to bust the party. I did not find glow sticks or over sized pacifiers. Instead, I discovered a digital drum set in front of my 13-year-old’s bedroom door. I bought this electronic drum at Goodwill before Christmas. It only cost $5. Sometimes Santa is on a budget. It sells for $50 on Amazon. Score! I am trying to encourage my 6-year-old’s love of music. I had no idea it would be used in psychological operations. My recently graduated kindergartener channeled Moby, cranked the volume and placed the digital drum in front of his brother’s door. Why? Well, because my older son refused to let his little brother inside. So, my 6-year-old opted for musical torture. It took less than five minutes to break my teenager. He had no choice, but to admit defeat. Can you blame him?

 

Wednesday, June 20th, 2013

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Do you know what’s worse than waiting in a long line at Walmart? Loading a cart full of groceries on the belt before realizing your wallet is missing. Yeah, this happened to me tonight. Panic immediately set in. I scanned the store for Oliver Twist, but only saw a woman in pajamas and a man with star tattoos on his face. Did I drop it? I put my groceries back into the cart as my daughter questioned loudly, “What’s wrong Mommy? You don’t have enough money?” I use this excuse from time to time when she asks for a toy. Awesome. I may not be able to afford Diet Dr. Pepper, but I can pay for the Diet Dr. Thunder in my cart. Now, I was the one who looked ridiculous. It turns out my wallet was in my husband’s car. We did a little browsing while we waited for him to bring it. There are so many gift ideas for Dad in the store.

 

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013

soccerOur Cynical Mother, Deanna King, told us about the “talk” she had with her son’s soccer coach.  You can read her blog here.  You can listen to the story by clicking on the player.

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