On The Air:

The day Wake up with Tony was scripted like a 70’s sit-com

((“Wake up with Tony” is taped live before a studio audience))

EXT. OF AN FM RADIO STATION SOMEWHERE IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

The studio is typical of a soft rock radio station. There are stacks of paper around an audio board. There’s a can of Lysol and hand sanitizer. Four people are seated on high-backed chairs around an array of microphones.

Tony:

What is it with computers? Why do they use language no one can understand. This says: FATAL ERROR, CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. Why don’t they use language people can uderstand.

Deb:

Firefox is better. When you can’t get back into your browser settings it says: Oops, this is embarrassing.

Tony:

Right! That’s why we hate you Bill Gates, not because you have all the money in the world, it’s because you use language we can’t understand! ‘FATAL ERROR, CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK?” What is that?

Pat:

It’s telling you, ‘You can continue, Mister. BUT DON’T COME CRAWLING BACK TO US WHEN THIS GOES BAD!”

Kristie:

At this point, could I interject a ray of reason into an otherwise mindless exchange of ideas?

Tony:

Is that some kind of veiled attack on my golf shirt?

Deb:

Can we not do this? Today? ONE DAY! Can we not savage each other for JUST…ONE DAY!

((A Jesuit priest walks into the studio with a steaming tray of buffalo wings))

Priest:

Is there a Tony Infantino here?

Tony:

That’s me, padre!

((The collared holy man thrusts the spicy wings into Tony’s face. Hot sauce splatters onto the sound board))

Deb:

Ok, what was THAT all about?

Tony:

(wiping sauce off his face) Don’t ask, lady!

Pat:

It’s 8:16 and 58 degrees, you’re listening to WARM 101.3 FM

Kristie:

Oh, shut your damn face.

Deb:

One day. JUST ONE DAY WITHOUT THIS…That’s all I’m asking, Lord.

((The lights go dim, an Elton John song begins, life at an upstate New York radio station continues for another day))

Leave a Reply